four hoof beat..

Today started like every other day.. I woke up at 4, tido balik ~sleepyhead~..
jaga dah at 6.. arggh lambat.. nak kena stop isi petrol lagi.. but I manage to get to stc on time.. peace..
Jimmi oredi ready for lesson.. lalala.. sume ok.. we went up to arena one..
That big arena tu kann..
Trot left 2 round.. trot right 2 round..
then adi came..
suruh trot one hand another hold on to whip by the side.. oK.. to give the horse forwardness.. oK..
Trot left 2 round.. trot right 2 round..
Then change direction.. canter 2 point.. ok.. left 1 round.. adi suruh gallop..
Huh? Gallop?
I never gallop before?
How to gallop?
Make the horse goes faster than canter la kan.. but how?
I push the horse a bit.. and give a bit at the rein ..

and .. woosh ~ ~ he went fast and faster and faster.. hoof beats drumming in my ears..

gosh.. never been this fast before.. first corner.. ok ..that’s scary.. he was way fast for me at that corner.. nw I have a long stretch of the arena in front of me.. try to slow him down~!~! come on huDa~!
I fail… 2nd corner… he’s gaining speed again... 3rd corner is infront of me..

at that sudden a gush of fear overcome my heart.. glimpse of what happen in February when I fell from t’man, then kiwi the next day while im learning jumping, the feel how they rush toward the jumping poles.. me losing balance, out of position, airborne one second.. gedebuk.. landed hard on the ground split second afterward..

3rd corner..fence in front.. Will he crash towards the fence? Will he jump over it? can I steer him to the left? Am i still in control? Im losing balance but im still up here.. should I seat? Should I maintain in 2 point? will I fall? Should I jump of the horse? now? Never? Will it happen again??? Do I want it to happen again..?? I shrieked in panic and despair of not knowing what to do..

and a turn to the left gave me slight confidence i still CAN be in control.
I can hear adi yell at the back.. ‘outside rein’ ‘shoulder back’ ‘circle’~!~!
Wateva that is, it start to make sense in me.. try not to be to panicky this time..
Still in 2 point, I bring my shoulder back (it was for me a courageous act since I dare not to move at that time..) instead of screaming in horror and scares my own self and jimmi some more, I called him out “ WHOA JIMMI~~ WHOA~!” less louder each time.. trying to calm both of us out of the excitement.. make a smaller turn and circle.. slower canter and slower.. and trot..

I was gasping for air..
I was in shock..
I was oK..

Adi called me over.. then he start to explain what happen..
what make the horse canter goes faster..
I was like .. WHAT?? That was a canter??
I fail to gallop and yet that fast I already terrified?? ok.. oK.. gOsh~!
Wateva he’s talking about comes a blurr as I was recalling wat just happen.. consoling my own feeling.. listening to my own thoughts..

After I calm down a bit, we discuss what happen, what I did wrong, what I should look out for correction, how to deal with it, how to be in control if it happen again.. I was like..this is my first time he canter dat fast.. of course I dunno wat to do.. duuu’hhh..

So I say..

“adi, you want a gallop.. I dunno how to make it gallop, so I push him and soften the rein..i kasi la dia pergi.. when that happen I lost most of the contact.. and dunno how to handle the situation..oK? dunno what to do.. what aid to give.. dan la tak gallop~”

“that was a gallop”

“ no it wasn’t.. u said that was a fast canter.. 4 hoof beats.. I hear four hoof beats.. it’s a canter..”

“uder, canter 3 beats..”

“and gallop 1 beat kan??” (tgh bengong mana leh 1 beat..xlogik)

“gallop 4 beat la..” and he start to explain the horse gaits..

Owh yah ..ooookayyyy… goSh~! I galloped.. one big arena.. nearly fail to handle situation.. but I manage..

I manage..
I want to be happy but I still recovering from shock…

vivid images of what happen early this year still haunts.. don’t want to bother much of it.. but I cant help feeling like it.. I felt apprehensive (leong introduce me this word) of what happen.. especially when the horse goes faster than usual.. rushing ke..

To overcome that incident, it took me sometime off and on horses.

I felt comfortable and safe when im with jimmi (so far la..)
I can canter again and enjoy working out canter with him.. like I usually do before,
and of what happen this morning..
it was an experience that I need.. just that extra something that I need.. that extra boost..
to get my confidence back..!

IM OK.. I CAN DO THIS.. I CAN WORK THINGS OUT..
I can be like how I was before..
**hopefully.. too much confidence it also no good~~**
don’t get me wrong.. Im still nervous deep down.. but I felt okay now..

Well masuk stable still kena gelak lgi.. sebab I was screaming ni horror up in the arena.. kasik org lain suspense jer.. hahaha..

Good for me.. all ends well..